studying ourselves...

"Listening to talks about the dharma, or the teachings of Buddha, or practicing meditation is nothing other than studying ourselves. Whether we’re eating or working or meditating or listening or talking, the reason that we’re here in this world at all is to study ourselves. In fact, it has been said that studying ourselves provides all the books we need.

Maybe the reason there are dharma talks and books is just to encourage us to understand this simple teaching: all the wisdom about how we cause ourselves to suffer and all the wisdom about how joyful and vast and uncomplicated our minds are—these two things, the understanding of what we might call neurosis and the wisdom of unconditioned, unbiased truth—can only be found in our own experience." [Pema Chodron: When Things Fall Apart]

hara...

"An infant gains its first healthy sense of self through the steady flow of care for its needs, receiving nutrition, loving contact, and physical stimulation. Without the reliable flow of energy in these forms directed personally to the child, mistrust, shame, and insecurity colour the child's life experiences and ability to develop autonomy and self-reliance.

"By bringing awareness to your belly center, you are facilitating greater communication between your mental, emotional, and physical needs. In developing a strong relationship with your energy center, you are establishing a home base that serves as a place of safety in an ever-changing world. Rather than being pulled in one direction in some activities and in another direction by other activities, you have the possibility of initiating all activities from the belly center, remaining in contact with your vital source of energy."

[Don Stapelton: Self-Awakening Yoga]

emotions in the body need to be invited to release...

"When you think about (or encounter) a terrifying situation, do your shoulders tense up around your ears? do you clench your jaw? does your breathing become shallow and all of your senses go on hyperalert? To this list of physiological responses to fear add the stress you might hold around speaking up for yourself or communicating your needs and you begin to get a picture of why the cervical curve holds so much tension. "Swallow my words," "bite my tongue," "running off at the mouth," "choking under pressure" - these are just a few of the ways we commonly describe the experience of a disruption in the free flow of energy through the neck and throat.

"Another first responder to stress is the low back. Physical responses to fear cause the belly to constrict, shifting the center of gravity high into the thoracic cavity to mobilize the organism for rapid flight. The fight or flight reaction to stress is biologically instinctual. In many dangerous situations we do not have to think about how to protect ourselves; the instinctual wisdom of the organism takes over. Yet in circumstances where a person has experienced repeated threats or brutal physical, sexual, or psychological traumas, that instinct for self-protection can become suppressed to the extent that immobilization becomes habitual even in the most life-threatening circumstances. While we are instinctively programmed to mobilize our defenses in response to acute stress, there is no equivalent relaxation response in the human body; your organism does not necessarily quit protecting itself after a danger has passed. In fact, relaxation is a learned response; muscles do not know when they no longer need to protect. It requires awareness to consciously release tension after the body has been quickened by a threat of imminent danger. Without recovering our awareness of the instinctual fight or flight mechanism and without conscious assessment of the accuracy of our preceptions of danger, the body holds on to unnecessary tension."

[Don Stapelton: Self-Awakening Yoga]

attuning to the pulse of being...

"Many different kinds of pulses occur simultaneously in the body. The most obvious one is the flow of the breath in and the flow of the breath out. That is a pulse. Another pulse is the rhythm of the heartbeat. Pulses convey the movements of digestion and peristalsis and the undulating movement of our intestines. Every sense organ has its unique means of excitation, the stimulus getting transmitted to the brain in impulses. The speed of our brain's activities create the rhythm of our thoughts and thinking. Alpha, beta, delta, and theta - these terms refer to the frequency of chemical and electromagnetic waves emitted by the brain in various states of awareness. The waves of our moods, emotions, and feelings - these are body rhythms made up of more pulses.

"Many Oriental forms of medicine are based upon pulses associated with the energetic processes in the body, but you do not need to know the details of the meridians or to be versed in a specific tradition to begin to enhance your bodily functions by attuning to your pulses. In fact, the discovery of the ancient healing modalities associated with acupuncture, auyurveda, shiatsu, and yoga emerged from this inquiry... how does the sense of inner wholeness arise from noticing polarities in experience?

"All shamanic and energetic systems of natural healing have come from practitioners who were fascinated with the miraculous pulse of their own beings. By following an inquiry into the pulse of being, early yogis entered deep states of awareness that allowed them to penetrate the subtler dimensions of their own physiology. As you go deeper into the meditative state, you will discover that your ability to know yourself at every level is limitless."
[Don Stapelton: Self-Awakening Yoga]

Microscopic algae arranged on microscope slides from the California Academy of Sciences Diatom Collection 1950s.

role of proprioception in mastectomy recovery...

i've been developing my own rhyme and reason when it comes to physio post-mastectomy. the first thing i was drawn to do got its inspiration from something i heard about courtesy dr. stephen sinatra, the famed cardiologist and gestalt therapist, who discussed the physical relationship between the arms and the heart, for they share a common ancestor at the level of embryologic tissue... in particular he suggested that the reason orchestra conductors feature at the top of many longevity lists is that they routinely make big, expressive, arcing movements with the arms which tonify the heart and express emotion. there's also a relationship between the body language of the arms and well-being... for its with the arms that we reach out, that we bring another in close for an embrace, or keep people away with self-protective crossing of arms or stay-away gesturing. we also use the arms and hands as expressive point and counterpoint to the things we say, so they seem an intuitive instrument of personal EQ potential.

as soon as i came to after surgery i felt the need to start moving my arms in circles... small, big and in between. obviously my range of moment was compromised on the affected side, but this has been short-lived... before the first month anniversary i had full range of movement back, albeit with sensation and some tightness.

over time i've found that working in open space, even with mirrors available, was really not giving me all that i needed in terms of feedback. i found my best experience on the ground. getting down onto my mat and assuming a neutral SI joint position on my back with feet on the ground just a short distance from the gluteus. turning my hands to face up so that the back of the hands could skirt along the floor i would begin with arms down by my side and slowly move them out and up to come to rest overhead as you would when making snow angels, but without letting the back of the hands, especially on the affected side, leave contact with the ground. this allowed me to see instantly where i was having difficultly and where i needed to slow down even more and wait for the tissues to softly open and resume their natural arc and movement potentials. gravity also was able to play a part when this opening could not be accomplished fully. simply lying there with arms outstretched as they were able, even when not at first in contact with the ground, was enormously satisfying as gravity is slow and gentle and persistent. now that i have more freedom of movement and the effect of gravity is less, i ask for a partner to put gentle pressure on the balls of my shoulders with their hands, pressing down and then slightly upward, in order to more effectively open the fascia across the collarbones and chest.

getting feedback from a fixed surface has become something i really love and find nourishing in a way i never thought i would. i've even started doing some asana work on the bare floor, really letting myself  sink down to the hard welcome beneath me as a tool of awareness. where i find pain, i wait for it to soften and soften more.